Monday, July 21, 2008

why talk about failures 4/7..

Saturday, February 01, 2003, 9:45pm..
Endurance tests came in various forms from various directions. Limited resources, weak cashflows, late payments, late deliveries, technical breakdowns, staffing problems, product rejections and the like were regular tests on a monthly basis. These taught me to be more prudent, always making full use of existing resources, always trying to make-do, always improvising, always coming up with simpler & cheaper ways of doing things. But at the same time, always trying not to compromise on the standards that I've set myself to...

Endurance tests on my personal life, however, were more damaging and required much more mental energy. Being weekend wife to dear hubby who was also running and expanding his construction business the same time I was developing my own business identity, meant that pent-up angers and frustrations were common exchanges between us for a while. I failed to be a loving wife and an understanding friend during those turbulent years..

Morning sickness that went on for seven months during my second pregnancy, and an extended long leave after birth that left my business and workers basically unsupervised, put a big dent into the business coffers. I failed to manage my cashflows miserably. The incomes of the first four years were gone to sustain the next two years of inactivity on my part...

The revelation of the existence of a possible third party in my long-distance marriage immediately after I delivered my 2nd child, meant that most of my energy & resources in retaliation to that, were misdirected to wasted causes. I failed to follow my head and think rationally. Instead I became too emotionally-wrought and refused to listen between the lines. I refused to admit that I could be misjudging the whole situation. I failed to be a good listener to my husband. My marriage suffered along with my business..

My children were also not spared from my frustrations. I was both mother & father for most of their weekdays, and with helpers that kept coming & going, I eventually had to bear most of the child-rearing duties and housekeeping chores on my own. On many occassions during the 7 & a half years of weekday-single-parenting, I failed to be loving, considerate and understanding towards my 2 daughters..

A little essay written by my then 4 years old daughter who is now 6, described me as some kind of a wicked stepmother who was always scolding them around. I was dumbfounded reading it...

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