Tuesday, December 23, 2008

why talk about failures 6/7..

Wednesday, February 05, 2003, 2.29pm..
As I turned 36, I started to have all sorts of ailments which were not life-threatening, but managed to drag me down physically and mentally. The various western-trained doctors that I saw dismissed most of my complaints as simply lack of sleep, lack of exercise, lack of this and lack of that. It seemed that my body was lacking in almost everything except the lack of stress!! Their only advices were for me to exercise and rest well.. but how could I begin to do all that when almost all parts of my body were in some kind of pain or another?? I was also looking very haggard. Was I getting old before my age??!!

Another doctor, after patiently listening to all my woes, smilingly suggested the use of anti-depressant.. but hey??!! I was not about to be associated with any of those!! Somehow it gave the impression of me being manic-depressive, or mentally-unstable. That was not flattering at all..

Hence, my journey into the world of alternative medications started. These alternative/eastern/traditional medical practitioners seemed to have, in my mind, a better understanding of my body systems. Their diagnoses of my ailments were more 'compassionate' and sounded more pleasant!! And yes, instead of just telling me to start exercising, or have a complete rest, or just pop-up the pills.. with their bare hands, they physically exercise-rest-perk my body up while I was completely lying down whilst dozzing off!! What a treatment!!! ;)

Henceforth.. reflexology, shiatsu, chiropractic, acupuncture and overall body massages became my regular 3x weekly treatments for the next one year, and continues less regularly even now. Expensive treatments that took a while to see the results, but now I'm more in touch with the workings of my body systems. Biologically, my vocabularies now alternate with words like toxins, free radicals, energy-points, energy-flows, de-hydrations, and a host of others..

Exercising and resting slowly became easier and regular. Morning brisk walking 3x a week took over the extra sleep that I used to have after sending off my children to school every morning. Gardening became a daily leisure activity instead of a chore. Newspaper readings took a purposely longer time to finish. Iced coffee or iced cappucinos were slowly replaced by plain warm water. Condensed milk was slowly substituted with Anlene mixed with milo. Food supplements such as Beta-carotene, ACE, EPA, alfalfa, lecithin, multi-vitamins & minerals and noni juices became my regular diets..

It took my body approximately two years to recover back to its youthful glory. Why took such a long time?? My reasoning would be that old habits die hard. Whatever system breakdowns in my body happened mostly due to my inability or my failure to maintain and sustain those systems properly. For the first 36 years of my life, my body was always taken for granted to be able to survive anything without me having to do anything else. Therefore, to recover back to proper working systems would definitely need some time..

After all the pamperings and re-allignment of priorities from 'career-family-health' to 'family-career-health' to 'health-health-health'.. and as my body was continuously getting perked-up.. my mind on the other hand was increasingly getting complacent!!! I was probably enjoying my stress-free and improved lifestyle too much to be bothered about the growth of my business. Oh yes, the fact that hubby's construction business was booming and continues to expand up to this day, contributed so much to this complacency..

I started telling hubby and myself, probably it was time for one of us to concentrate fully on the family development. Having 2 business pressures in one household was probably not healthy for us in the long run. I started telling friends that I was thinking of retiring before I turn 40. I started justifying my decision over and over again by having countless discussions with hubby, friends and mostly, my inner self..

But what happens after 40? Will I be just sitting around doing family activities? Will I not be bored stiff talking only about past experiences? Wouldn't giving it all up be another failure? Or do I just need new ventures to pursue? Or new directions to focus on?

february 05, 2003..

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